J. Rose Online

Today's Topic: The Smoking Lady

When I say "The Smoking Lady", I'm talking about smoking cigarettes. How many of you ladies smoke cigarettes or used to?

*raises hand*

I started smoking when I was about 17 years old. It was one of those peer pressure moments. It was a social thing at first where I would smoke with friends on the weekends when we all hung out. But then it turned into an everyday thing by myself.

I continued to smoke and when I found out that I was pregnant with my oldest son, I stopped. Only to start again just a couple of weeks after he was born. So that was about 8 months of no smoking.

Then I got pregnant with my 2nd son. I actually quit the weekend before I found out I was pregnant. For some reason, I had a feeling.

But yeah, you guessed it, I started again about 5 months after he was born. So that was about 14 months of no smoking.

Both times I did quit cold turkey. In fact, for me, it wasn't that hard to quit. Only because I knew I had a baby in my stomach.

My 2nd son was born in 2001. Once I started up again, I continued to smoke until one day in June 2005, I decided to quit cold turkey.... and no it wasn't because I was pregnant. I just woke up one day and just gave it up. That lasted only 3 months. We went on a trip with friends to Vegas September that same year...

I had the mentality that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and so I sparked one up and basically it was all downhill. I started smoking again.

There were a few times that I wanted to try and quit, but I just couldn't do it.

I've heard it all... "Smoking is bad for you" "Your teeth will turn yellow" "You're too beautiful to be smoking" "Do you know what smoking can do to your lungs?" "You should quit smoking" "When are you going to quit?" "OMG, I didn't know you smoke"... I can go on and on.

Most of the time, I was ashamed to be smoking. I didn't want anyone to know I smoked. Every time my customer's from PC Club caught me smoking, I cringed. I didn't want them to see that side of me. I don't think my mom knew I smoked for so many years. I didn't want my family members to know either. At parties or get togethers, I would go find a corner to hide in and go smoke, lol. But at the same time, I had the NEED to still smoke.

It was pretty bad, I needed a cig right when I woke up. If I didn't have any in the morning, I would call Mr. Man and yell at him asking him how come he didn't leave me any. When I was working at PC Club, I had to have one, on the hour, basically every hour. I would say it was close to half a pack to a pack a day.

So one of the questions asked of me is "When are you going to quit? Are you going to quit?" I've been wanting to quit for the longest time. I knew it was going to take a lot of will power to actually quit. But I had a feeling I couldn't do it so my answer was "If I were to get pregnant again, then that is when I'm going to quit." Little did I know that the same year I said that, I was to get pregnant. Maybe it was meant to be.

September 2008... I found out I was pregnant with Baby E As I did with my other 2, I quit the day I found out. Yeah, just like that!

During the pregnancy, I often wondered if I would go back to smoking once Baby E was born. Fortunately, after he was born, I did not have any cravings. In fact, I didn't even think about it.

Up until about a few months ago did smoking cross my mind again. Honestly, I missed it. I missed hanging out, having a drink in one hand and a cig in the other. I missed the social aspect of it.

When I started working again and saw that half of the office took smoke breaks, I totally craved it more. It got to the point where I would bug Mr. Man to hook me up with one and he always said no. I told him that I'd keep buggin' him until he quit himself.

It's been a year and 8 months since I smoked....

UNTIL...

last weekend....

I know bad right? But wait...

Here's what happened... So Mr. Man and I went out to eat and hang out at the Block in Orange and we were having a drink, ok I was.. and Mr. Man decided to let me have a few drags of his cig... Sooooo, J.Rose, what happened? How did you feel???

I am happy and relieved to say that it did not satisfy me one bit. In fact, it squashed any craving or feelings I had for smoking.

Yay! Happy ending!!! I no longer will be asking Mr. Man to have a drag of his cig or to hook me up with one. It no longer appeals to me.

I honestly thought that I was going to get hooked again considering how much I smoked just a lil over a year and a half ago. I'm so glad I proved myself wrong. I'm glad that I bit the bullet and took in a few puffs just to see how I would feel.

It did make me feel light headed and gross... I don't think I'll be touching a cigarette again.

How many of you have quit for good? How many of you are still struggling to quit? How many of you smoke and just don't care what others have to say?

and because I don't want this to be a picture-less post, here's a pic of Mr. Man and I from our date last Saturday night

Note: I did not write this post to preach or tell you that smoking is bad for you. I wrote this post to share my experience and my happy story. Everyone has their own story. I only hope that this will inspire some of you to actually quit. But if you decide to continue smoking, I have nothing against it. In time, when it is right, you will quit or consider it. I once was there so I know how it feels to be preached to about the downfalls of smoking. To each their own.